Risk, Rewards and Motivation of Social Skills-Autism Society- 15 SEPT 2020

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  1. Who the heck is Ken and why should we listen to him?
  2. Seeing how this will work and breaking the ice. If you were a vegetable, fruit or plant what would you be and what made you be this plant?

RISK- The Risks of Being Social

  • Uncertainty
  • The Unwritten Rules
  • Context- Should I focus on the bark, tree or forest?
  • Dealing with Changing Relationships (Change is the only constant)
  • Manipulation-Fraud
  • Inconsistency of People
  • Everyone screws up sometimes being social- Perfection is the enemy
  • Dealing with A-holes, the unstable, and bullies
  • Other things you guys can think of?

Since there is Risk in being social why bother? 

Everything valuable takes risk and effort.

Questions, stories, comments, concerns, tell Ken why he is stupid, etc?


  • Friends
  • People to share (special) interests with
  • Building a Family- Getting Along with Family
  • Money, material, professional and educational success
  • Humans are social by nature- Following nature
  • Fun- Stopping Boredom
  • Sharing in tragedy and triumph
  • Being a detective
  • The Psychology Angle
  • Selling Self and Stuff
  • Sharing Secrets and Being Intimate with Others
  • Making Life Easier
  • Dealing with Anxiety, Depression and Ennui
  • Because You Have to Deal With People Whether You Want To or Not
  • Being Social Is A Kind of Intelligent
  • Building Confidence By Dealing with Success and Conflict
  • Anything Else You Can Think Of?

Questions, stories, concerns, existentialist questions regarding the rewards of being social?

MOTIVATION- Tying to be social and the pro/cons of all motivators

What Motivates 1

  • External Motivators- Money, Power, Rewards
  • Intrinsic Motivators- Just want to, internal success, Mastery
  • Social/Emotional Motivators- Belonging, having friends
  • Attention- Others Recognizing You, Public Praise
  • Control- Having power and choice over environment and interactions
  • Sensory- Getting/avoiding sensory input
  • Pain- Avoiding Pain, getting needs met when in pain
  • Fear Based- Avoiding, managing and coping with fear
  • Escape- How to get out of some situations

What motivates you the most?

Keeping your motivators in mind when being social…

What do you want in being social?

Reinforcing motivators….

Motivation questions or concerns?

Next time:  Basic non-verbal communication, emotions in others and meeting new people

Free Discussion

1From Oppositional, Defiant & Disruptive Children and Adolescents: Non-medication Approaches to the Most Challenging Behaviors By Walls (2017) pg 23-31